


How Do the Starks Shower

by Rey129



Series: Irondad and his Spiderling [3]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: F/M, Female Peter Parker, Jellyfish monster, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Social Media, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, fem peter, how do people shower meme, social media mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-14 20:09:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18059231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rey129/pseuds/Rey129
Summary: The Stark family, at the behest of Penny, does the How do People Shower meme.Despite not being a Parker, Penny still has doesn't have the best of luck.





	How Do the Starks Shower

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, another one. Mostly because I've been trying to relax with fanfics after class. It's been stressful due to our teachers having to rush everything due to an unexpected snowstorm that caused us to take a week off right before Presidents' Day (if you've been in the quarter system for college/university, you'll know why a week off can be bad).
> 
> Quick note, I am trying to stick as close to the official MCU timeline as I can (Homecoming makes this hard with its "8 Years Later" BS). There is one exception: Tony and Pepper's relationship. I am speeding that up so that in this story, they are already married (and there might be another little Stark running around ;)) despite it taking place between CACW and Homecoming.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> One last note: 1 minor instance of swearing. It's at the very end, and not that bad IMO, so I'm not moving the rank up, but just in case.

“Why are we doing this again, Underoos?”

“Because you need better PR and it’ll be a nice family bonding activity!”

“How can it be a family bonding activity if Morgan can’t participate?”

“She can be on the side, helping take pictures!  Plus, after we can go to the pool!”

“I’m guessing this will be done in our bathing suits?”

“How else would this be done?”

“…Sometimes it’s hard to remember that you’re my kid, Pen.”

“Mom, Dad’s making fun of me!”

“Oh sweetie, never change.”

“Not you too!”

* * *

Later that week, a series of three comics were posted Imgur by a user named sπde.  It was a series of three comics, each 4 panels.  The description for the gallery read simply “Finally got Mr. and Mrs. Stark to agree to do a meme with me!  Been begging for months!”

The first comic featured none other than Tony Stark.  For the first panel, he was dressed as immaculate as he always appeared in public, his suit jacket and shirt crisp, his tie neatly done.  On his face was a smug smirk.  Under him was “How does Tony Stark shower?” in yellow text with a red outline.  In the next panel, Tony was now in what was possibly a shower, though a style unfamiliar to most common folk, and missing his clothes, his hair was still well groomed and dry.  Here, the text said, “Same as you, nerf herder.”  Next was Tony, now soaked, water raining on him from above, saying along with the next panel “First I get nice and wet.  Then I work on the next big thing everyone and their mother will have to have.”  There stood Tony, working on some undisclosed invention, still wet, though the water had stopped flowing.

The next comic was set up much the same way, though this one featuring Pepper Stark.  The first three panels featured the CEO getting ready to take a shower, reading “How do CEOs take showers?  The same as you, of course.  First, we get nice and wet,” in a red font.  It was the next picture then showed the normally composed woman resting her head against the shower wall, eyes closed.  Below her in now pink text read “Mrs. Stark, the Legal Department is calling.  Also, Boss and P**** were experimenting in the lab and the explosion woke M***** from her nap.”  Under that, now in blue, was “SORRY MOM!”

The final comic was like the other two, though instead of any of the Stark clan was the red mask and white eyes of Queen’s Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Woman.  Unlike the other two, her mask covered her the entire time.  Her text was in blue, reading “How do Spider-People showers?  Same as you, muggle!  First, we get nice and wet.”  In the last picture, Spider-Woman was upside down, water continuing to fall down in the image.  “Next we crawl onto the ceiling because we need to make sure to clean from all angles.”

* * *

The photos, while interesting, were quickly buried in the others of the same format.  Not many took notice of the famous three on a small-time user that only posted pictures of the sun over the New York Skyline.

That is, until Tony Stark, on his twitter, posted the same three comics the next day, claiming it had been his daughter that had been begging for months to do a meme with her parents.  At first, most chalked it up to the eldest Stark child and Spider-Woman being friends or at least working together on this.  Only a small handful entertained the conspiracy that Spider-Woman was Tony Stark’s daughter.

What converted most to the truth was the fact that a few months after the incident with the Vulture.  Spider-Woman had been taking down what looked like a giant jellyfish.  Iron Man had just shown up and was distracting the monster while the young vigilante evacuated the civilians in the area.  Sadly, someone thought it would be a good idea to help the two by shooting at the jelly, which of course just angered the beast. 

Spider-Woman, being the closer of the two, dived at the man, shoving him out of the way of the swipe headed towards him, but taking it herself.  The young woman was sent flying into a nearby building.

Tony saw his little girl crashing into the building, and let out a muffled scream, which those still in the area thought sounded like Penny or Peggy.  He then turned to the monster, and in a tone only heard by those who did something extremely stupid, said: “You will regret that.”

The Giant Jellyfish was then done with just a few minutes later, and Iron Man was making his way over to where Spider-Woman had just hopped out of the building she was thrown into.  She had several cuts over her body and was partially holding her head up with her hand.  Tony promptly tumbled out of his suit and met the young woman, looking her over.

“Are you okay?  Karen, run a diagnostic scan.”

“I’m fine D-Mr. Stark.”

“Spider-Woman has currently sustained 3 cracked ribs, a mild concussion, as well as multiple cuts and contusions, mostly centered around the back and shoulders.”

“Thank you, Karen,” Tony replied, before standing up and looking down at the young woman.  “Now, you’re going straight to the Med Bay.  Would you prefer if I flew you there myself or would you want me to call Happy?”

“What?!  But I can just swing back to the tower!”

“You are not swinging back to the tower with three broken ribs and a concussion!”

“But I’ll be fine!  Plus, I heal super-fast!”

“I don’t care how fast you heal, Underoos, you are not swinging back to the tower.  Now I can fly you back or you can go back with Happy.  Which would you prefer?”

Spider-Woman stood there for a second as if weighing her options.  Finally, she sighed and stepped forward, her arms raised in the form of a hug.  Tony smirked slightly before getting in his own suit.

“Thought so.”

“Hey, I’m only doing this because I know if Happy has to pick me up, he’s going to be blasting Friday on loop.”

“He is the driver,” Tony points out, gently picking up the vigilante before taking off towards the driver.

Neither of the leaving heroes noticed the cameras rolling, capturing this incident to be shared with the masses.

* * *

The next morning, Tony was in the kitchen, placing bacon onto a large plate while the last of the waffles were cooking in the iron.  Penny, only feeling the slightest amount of soreness in her chest by where her ribs had been cracked, was entertaining her little sister.  Pepper had been called in by the PR team a few minutes ago with just the warning that she would “want to see what’s going on.”  So far there had been no word from her, but her loyal husband was making sure to make enough for both her and their ravenous daughters.

The elevator chimed.  Morgan, hearing it, got up and ran towards the double doors, meeting a rather irate Pepper Stark, who was glaring at her eldest daughter and husband, who had emerged to set the table.

“What,” the redhead growled, “did you two do?”

A shiver ran up the two brunets’ spines.  The two quickly met the other’s eye, before turning back to the all-powerful matriarch.

“No idea what you’re talking about, Pep.”

“I’ve been in the tower since we finished up with Mister Jelly last night.”

“And I haven’t done anything considered controversial since September.”

“So, neither of you know why you’re currently trending on the internet?” Pepper asked, picking up Morgan and gave her a gentle smile and poked her stomach, eliciting a giggle.  The two then made their way to the table, Pepper setting Morgan in her booster before sitting down herself.

“Um, no, I just did my homework, watched a few videos on YouTube, and talked with Ned and MJ last night.”

“I was down in the lab working on the next StarkPhone until I went to bed.  FRIDAY can confirm.”

“I indeed can, Mrs. Boss.  Neither Penny nor Boss made any posts to social media last night that would catch the media’s attention.”

“So then why does every major news outlet know Penny’s name and think she’s Spider-Woman?”  Pepper asked, taking a bite out of her breakfast.  Morgan was digging in, making more of a mess than anything.

“What?”  Both of the heroes looked taken aback before Penny pulled out her phone and began looking up her name in the search bar.  Sure enough, the entire first page was filled with nothing but speculation on Spider-Woman, and if her secret identity was that of Penny Stark.  Her father paled next as he read over her shoulder.  Mostly because the picture most often used was Tony Stark patting down an injured Spider-Woman, followed by the shower memes that the family had done three months ago.

Well, that would explain the media frenzy.  Really, the only thing to say to that was-

“Oh shit.”

"Language."

**Author's Note:**

> Ah, wasn't that fun? Obviously, I used the "How do People Shower" meme for reference, because yes it's dying but I love that meme.
> 
> Morgan here is about 1.5-2. She's 13 years younger than her sister and is going to be spoiled by everyone but Pepper, though will turn out as sweet as Penny.
> 
> Also, yes, people couldn't clearly make out Tony calling for his daughter because have you tried to talk with your face being covered by metal? Tony's voice is clearly being projected via a mic, and FRIDAY just muted it when Tony called Penny by name.


End file.
